Demonizing and Exclusion -maybe in some hoa s – Hank

Excerpts from an article in the Daytona Beach News-Journal, 5 13 18

SAN FRANCISCO — The unwanted were turned away from cafeteria tables. Fistfights broke out at karaoke. Dances became breeding grounds for gossip and cruelty.

It became clear this place had a bullying problem on its hands. What many found surprising was that the perpetrators and victims alike were all senior citizens….


“There’s the clique system just like everywhere else,” said Betsy Gran….

…  “Bullying Among Older Adults: How to Recognize and Address an Unseen Epidemic,” said existing studies suggest about 1 in 5 seniors encounters bullying. She sees it as an outgrowth of frustrations characteristic in communal settings, as well a reflection of issues unique to getting older. Many elderly see their independence and sense of control disappear and, for some, becoming a bully can feel like regaining some of that lost power.     “It makes them feel very out of control,” Bonifas said, “and the way they sort of get on top of things and make their name in this new world is intimidating, picking on people, gossiping.”….

….  portrayal of a man who was excluded from a card game and became the subject of gossip by other seniors. “….

….  involves name-calling, rumors and exclusion,,,,

…. Women constitute the bulk of the bullies Countouris encounters among seniors, a reflection of lifespan disparities and the gender makeup of those who live at or participate in programs at senior facilities…..


After four years immersed in the wrath of older bullies, Countouris has heard all manner of stories. At a senior high-rise, a woman who saw herself as the queen of the parking garage would key the cars of those who crossed her. Elsewhere, laundry rooms became vicious places where the bullied had their detergent stolen and their clothes thrown on the floor. Bingo rooms so often devolved into battlefields — with lucky newcomers badgered and accused of cheating by veteran players — she came to call it “the devil’s game.”

“I didn’t realize it was an underground society where people could be mean to each other,” Countouris said….


posted 107pm 5 13 18 at 


2 thoughts on “Demonizing and Exclusion -maybe in some hoa s – Hank

  1. Shocking, just shocking that demonizing is taking place here. Although it is mainly non verbal retaliation for my disagreement with the powers that be. An argument with president of STW HOA, and a week later our grounds man edged the area between the sidewalk and the common ground area grass in front of my rose garden…leaving a five foot long and width of sidewalk compilation of dirt, rocks, sand, grass and weeds. I left it there for a day or two and finally cleaned it up. If they had done that to the woman 2 doors down who is not physically able to walk to her mailbox on her rocks driveway, and must use her sidewalk, she wouldn’t be able to get her mail until she could get ahold of someone to clean the mess up But, she never complains or offers suggestions, so they wouldn’t have done that to her. A week later a tree was removed on STIII property behind my home by SB tree company. They cleaned the area behind my house and STIII property pristeenly. They used the top of my driveway and my parking spot for access to the tree, and the front end loader dropped large amts. of tree debris, and branches along the parking spot and driveway, non of which was cleaned up. I couldn’t even see my sidewalk for the debris. After they finished the back I watched as I thought they would do the same great job cleaning up in the front, where my driveway and parking spot are. The little man who runs the show for the grounds at STIII rode up on his bike as they were taking out the blower and rake, he told them not to clean up the mess on my driveway and sidewalk. They put the equipment back and left. 2 hours later I finally finished cleaning up the debris, 5 bags full and branches in a pile. I did this even though it was on common ground as I knew that our HOA would not clean up the mess. ( I finally cut the grass in front of my rose garden on common ground with a pair of scissors as it was 20 inches long…yes, I measured it). The tree was an example of mean spiteful behavior by STIII chairperson, a weasel who feels empowered by being mean to elderly women. When my HOA president drew my attention to the hazardous tree 2 weeks earlier, which was in danger of falling on my, or my neighbors house, I called my son who has been a climber for 20 years mostly in MN and went through a 2 year training program and received many certifications…not a drug addict climber with a ladder like you find in Fl. He and the weasel got into a yelling match about whether the tree needed removal. The weasel said it had long roots and wasn’t going to fall. If no one has noticed, we have a 4ft.x4ft. stump still in the common ground next to my house from the hurricane 2 years ago, that obviously had long roots, and it broke off at the stump, roots remain in the ground, and that tree landed in my neighbors roof. The weasel didn’t want to meet his responsibility to remove this tree in question, he wanted to wait until it fell on our houses so we would then be responsible for the cost of damage and removal. His vindictive behavior for having to remove the tree on STIII property has shone through. These are the people we have running our HOAs here in Summer Trees.


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